Life lessons for our children to pick up from trekking in the mountains

It has been a few years since I've been going for treks to the Himalayas. Last year my then 12 year old daughter joined me for a 7 day Himalayan trek to the Great Lakes of Kashmir. It was not an easy trek even for us adults, and as the only child in our group (and going by our discussions with the soldiers at the army posts, possibly the youngest to go on that trekking trail), she too found it challenging in some parts. The previous year, my son had been with another group for a trek to Auli in the Uttarakhand region of the Himalayas. Before that, we had been taking our children for shorter treks in the Sahyadri mountains in Maharashtra. By the end of the Kashmir trek, it was truly an eye opener for me to watch my daughter manage herself through all the excitement, challenges and jubilation of the trekking and camping experience. I could see from up close, the fabulous life lessons that these experiences have to offer children and us. 

Trekking and camping in the mountains teaches children to experience the world through new eyes. It also teaches them a lot about themselves.

“I can’t use my mobile phone for five days? But I can’t live without it even for a day!”

“I can’t possibly walk for so many hours!”

“What if I can’t eat or drink anything they serve me there?”

City life brings its share of frustrations for children and for parents, as nature spots are reduced and opportunities to experience the open environs are limited. On one hand, children’s absorption with mobile phones, games, television and online media are making them more house-bound. On the other hand, avenues for out-of-home activities are limited to venues such as malls, restaurants and cinemas. Being disconnected from nature and outdoor activities, accompanied by an increasingly protected lifestyle among urban children, is limiting our children’s capabilities to adapt to different situations – both physically and mentally.

The mountains offer exciting terrains for climbing uphill or running through lush green meadows; walking through slush, or leaping over boulders; crossing over or wading through streams. The experience of camping means packing and unpacking every day, tucking into sleeping bags at night, sharing a tent with others, and eating what everyone is eating, and much more. The experience of trekking and camping in the mountains is a great way for children to expand their physical and mental faculties and have loads of fun while at it. Children develop a stronger resilience and endurance as they begin to appreciate that not only can they physically handle a lot more than they thought they could. But they are also capable of being responsible for themselves and adapting to a variety of conditions that they otherwise have not been exposed to.

Often in the midst of the mountains, Nature also achieves what most of us struggle with: get children to unplug from technology, soak in the beauty and develop a personal connect with their surrounding. Some treks incorporate offbeat routes and stays in mountain villages that help children gain an insight into how people lead their lives in remote places – how their houses are built, how their sheep and goat are grazed, how for many, their ways of life have remained unchanged for centuries.

There is an entire range of experienced trekking groups to send our children with, and several locations to choose from. Here are some ways you can get them started. Whether or not you as parents have been trekkers, you can still get your children started on experiencing the wonders of trekking. Younger children can be encouraged by giving them a taste of the outdoors in nature spots in your vicinity. Start by heading out for walks in and around nature parks, hills, ponds or lakes around you. Middle school children can take on short treks - either day long or overnight treks. Older children can take on 5-7 day treks. If you are unable to join them yourselves, sign them up through trekking groups that have strong experience in conducting these treks. 

So get them started on trekking and watch them build endurance, resilience and adaptability. It's a great way to convert "I can’t do this” and “I can’t do without this” into "can-do". 

Faith

Yesterday, I shared this on faith. "'Faith is believing in what you cannot see, and the reward is seeing what you have believed in". We can only, in hindsight, connect the dots."

Someone later asked me to explain it. Here are some of my thoughts. Would love to understand your thoughts too...

Faith, to me, is not about God.
It is not about religion, of any kind.
It is not about temples.
It is not about idols. Or any ritualistic tenets.

Faith, to me, is our own personal and individual equation with the universe and with energy.
Faith in a belief that everything...all matter, all actions, all thoughts...is energy.
We can't see or have evidence of all forms of energy.
   Or of the flow of energy.
But we can believe in none or some or all forms of energy.
   And in the flow of energy.

The energy are all the dots - the matter, the actions, the thoughts... ...Our own and through our interaction with the universe.
And the flow is the connection between the dots.

Faith is not blind.
Faith does not even claim to know everything.
But it is sincere
It is sincere in its attempt to gain a clearer appreciation of the secret depths of the universe.

I was asked for an example of faith...

When we pick someone as our life partner, we may be all rosy about the future together. Or we may be badly scarred from previous relationships. Or we may be indifferent.
In any case, when we do decide to marry, it is not coming from a faith in ourselves, or faith in our to-be-spouse. Nor is it coming from a faith in love, or from faith in the institution of marriage. But we still take that leap of faith...a faith in "something". It is only later, in hindsight, as the relationship between the partners unfolds...in the form of actions, words, messages, deeds, thoughts...we can connect the dots, we can make some sense of the relationship.

And it's a continuous process. As everything is energy. And energy flows.

The same applies to our relationship with the universe.

On a spectrum, faith is on one end. And on the other end is expectation.
The expectation is for evidence...signs, actions, words...proof.
But if there is evidence...if everything is already proven...is there even a place for faith ? As then, all we have to do is observe what is already proven.

Hence.
"Faith is believing in what you cannot see, and the reward is seeing what you have believed in". We can only, in hindsight, connect the dots.

Being there

Yesterday was Pithori Amavasya also celebrated as "Matrudin" or Mother's Day in the Hindu calendar. Found out it was that day yesterday while browsing something online. I typically am unable to differentiate most "special" days in the Hindu calendar from each other, mainly as there are so many. The treasured (by many Maharashtrians) "Kaalanirnay" almanac is treasured the most by my dear mother-in-law. But I am sure she has her very own in-built Kaalanirnay app embedded in her system. I know this because even when she is without her Kaalnirnay copy...such as this time when she forgot it in India during the last trip there (so now our house in India has two copies and no one in the house to be reminded of all those days), she still knows most of the many "special days" we have that can be potentially observed as festivals / auspicious days. I think it's her wonderful tracking mechanism that just lets her know how many days are past the full moon or no moon. And then the days get automatically tracked somewhere in her super system. And all this even though the exact date of the Roman calendar may not always be known to her. I never cease to be amazed at it. So for instance, I had heard from her a couple days ago that Thursday was "Pola" a special day marked in Maharashtra's villages when bulls have been traditionally worshipped for their immense contribution to farming. But I hadn't heard from her about Pithori Amavasya so when I found out it was, a lot of memories came flooding in. 

Pithori Amavasya brought to mind vivid pictures of childhood when in our family, it was celebrated as "Matrudin" or Mothers Day. On this day, Aai (as we called my mum) would have a fixed menu she would make - "ukdiche modak" (sweet steamed dumplings made with a rice flour cover and coconut and jaggery filling), a sautéed green peas and coconut vegetable dish, rice kheer and varan-bhaat (varan, a simple dal made with toor dal, served with rice and a dollop of homemade ghee on top). She made this every year, irrespective of whether it was a week day or not. She'd get back from work and make all these dishes hot and steaming, serve the food on a banana leaf on a plate - for my brother and me.

And then my mother would sit down on a flat wooden seat in front of the "devgarh" (the place of worship in the house) and place the plate on her head with both her hands. My brother would stand behind her, also holding the plate, both his hands resting on hers. And then she would ask him:
"Jali asta haath dey
Vani asta saath dey
Majhya paathi maage kon aahe?"

And he answered with:
"Mee aahe!"

Roughly translated, it will read as follows (though the translation really does take the poetic warmth and charm out of it)
"If I'm in water, and in need of a hand
If I'm in the forest, and in need of company
Who is behind me?"

And answer was: "I am!"

And she would ask this thrice totally and he would answer thrice. And then she would pass the plate to my brother. 

And then she would take the second plate, and I would stand behind her in the same manner and the verse would be repeated with me. And then both my brother and I would proceed to enjoy the steaming hot delicacies made by her. 

This simple gesture was done every year on Pithori Amavasya day and we always observed this as Matrudin or Mothers Day. I always thought this was the sweetest thing we did and said to our mother. When we said what we did...all saying it three times and all...it felt like we were making a solemn promise to ourselves. That whatever happens, we will be there for her. That when in need, we are there to take care of her. 

If we had a visiting cousin (since my uncles and aunts lived closeby) or a friend who happened to be there that evening or was staying with us, banana leaf plates would be prepared for them too. And they too would get to say the "Mee ahe!" if they wanted to. 

As we had always done this in our home and some of my other aunts also observed it in a similar manner in their homes, I came to believe it was passed down from my father's mother to her daughters-in-law. I hadn't seen this practice observed at my in-laws and after I had children, somehow with the demands on time, I never got around to observe Mother's Day in this special and beautiful way at my own home. Do you know if Mother's Day was traditionally observed like this or any other way anywhere else too in India? Would love to hear from you. 

And on this Mother's Day, I'd like to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful people here who end up playing motherly roles for various people in their lives. Coz the more I pay attention to that verse we recited as children, wasn't it about "being there" as parents for our parents in their time of need...whatever that need would come up mean. And I've come to understand that "mother" or "child" does not just come from who you're born to...or who you've given birth to...or from whether you're a man or woman. 

It's so much more than that. Coz who we are mother to or child to comes as much from "being there" for someone in their time of need. I've come to understand that that someone could be anyone..our parents, our spouse's parents, a friend, a relative, a stranger...Also our parents may become not only children to us at some time, but as they are adult children and our erstwhile parents too, they can be quite stubborn children to us. 

I've come to understand that "being there" for someone in their time of need is a privilege as well as an opportunity we all get at some or the other time in our lives. And we need to remember that when someone is in need, they don't always like it that they're in need. They'd much rather be able to fend for themselves and take care of themselves. So the grace with which we are there for someone matters as much as being there for someone. How we deal with it, with them and most importantly with it all in our minds...THAT makes the difference. That's not to say being there for someone with grace means it will all make it easy...that we won't get frustrated or tired sometimes. That our routine will not be disturbed. That our little cocoon of life we've built for ourselves with such pain and effort will not be disrupted to some or more degree. But if we can just bring in the perspective that their time of need will in the long term come to pass, and our routine and cocoon of life will fall back in place, we can bring in grace to our being there and to our care giving. 

Having recently myself been in a position to be there for someone, but in my act of giving also needing to be a child to someone, I can only feel immense gratitude for both - the opportunity to be there for someone, and for the friend who mothered me in my time of need. 

"If I'm in water, and in need of a hand
If I'm in the forest, and in need of company
Who is behind me?"

And the answer for me and for that mother-friend of mine was: "I am!"

With my love to all,
Dipali

Wings

Oh to see you be like the birds
To sing, to take off, to soar
To know what is to be alive
And free at its very core

To bring young ones into the world
To feed them and watch them grow
Help them take wings each day
Only to one day, let them go

And while tending to them
Keep your own wings strong
Knowing your own time to fly
Isn't ever truly gone

So why weren't you more like the birds
That you carved your own limits
Got so caught up in your duties
That you forgot to feed your spirit

So keep your songs intact and your wings strong
Don't ever let them go lame
The ground is as much yours
As the sky is yours to claim

Here forever. Gone forever.

Not able to comprehend why...my last trip to India was an emotional one. Maybe it had to do with it coinciding with what would have been my dad's 81st birthday. And it coming close to what will be his first death anniversary.
It was not my first trip in the last one year. But the sense of loss that kept creeping up on me was intense. Losing one parent is crushing (It took me twelve years to pen something down after my mother's death.
Then you lose another...
When you think of it, it's not like we are "orphaned" in our 40s. But we are orphaned. And it does not matter what age we are when they're gone. Or what age they were when they're gone...

I feel so fortunate to have had the parents I did. And I know they would only want me to be strong and positive and live life head-on.
A few lines penned down in memory of my dearest Appa...


Gone forever. Here forever.

How long does it take
For the pain to numb down
The sharp pangs of loss
Now too well known

Your face looms up in a picture
Vivid memories from our talks
Of so many things I learnt from you
You were always there as my rock

Knowing that the rock is no more
And that sense of intense loss?
Does it keep growing in strength
Like a stone gathering moss?

Your eyes sparkling with mischief
The laughter ready in your voice
A constant source of strength you were
For so many, their go-to-man of choice

The memories...
Of favourite songs you sang
Or your idioms of family fame
But...
Mostly, I keep recalling
When your voice called out my name

And then, the last few days of your life
That you came to spend with me
Under my care and vigil
Tending to your every whim

How's it that you came to me
Not so much as a father, but as a baby
Demanding every minute of mine
Calling for me as a child would his mummy

Call me daddy, call out to me
I hope I was there for you
Through all the times
When you wanted me near you

You came to a land afar
And touched a hundred new lives
With your stories of grit and wisdom
For the young and old alike

What gives us solace
Is that your end was swift
Hopefully you didn't feel much pain
As your life made the lift...

...Upward and onward to another place
From where I know you watch
All that's going on with us
As you live forever with us

How long does it take
For the pain to numb down
It will never go, I know
As you're gone forever.
I know.