Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Here forever. Gone forever.

Not able to comprehend why...my last trip to India was an emotional one. Maybe it had to do with it coinciding with what would have been my dad's 81st birthday. And it coming close to what will be his first death anniversary.
It was not my first trip in the last one year. But the sense of loss that kept creeping up on me was intense. Losing one parent is crushing (It took me twelve years to pen something down after my mother's death.
Then you lose another...
When you think of it, it's not like we are "orphaned" in our 40s. But we are orphaned. And it does not matter what age we are when they're gone. Or what age they were when they're gone...

I feel so fortunate to have had the parents I did. And I know they would only want me to be strong and positive and live life head-on.
A few lines penned down in memory of my dearest Appa...

Gone forever. Here forever.

How long does it take
For the pain to numb down
The sharp pangs of loss
Now too well known

Your face looms up in a picture
Vivid memories from our talks
Of so many things I learnt from you
You were always there as my rock

Knowing that the rock is no more
And that sense of intense loss?
Does it keep growing in strength
Like a stone gathering moss?

Your eyes sparkling with mischief
The laughter ready in your voice
A constant source of strength you were
For so many, their go-to-man of choice

The memories...
Of favourite songs you sang
Or your idioms of family fame
Mostly, I keep recalling
When your voice called out my name

And then, the last few days of your life
That you came to spend with me
Under my care and vigil
Tending to your every whim

How's it that you came to me
Not so much as a father, but as a baby
Demanding every minute of mine
Calling for me as a child would his mummy

Call me daddy, call out to me
I hope I was there for you
Through all the times
When you wanted me near you

You came to a land afar
And touched a hundred new lives
With your stories of grit and wisdom
For the young and old alike

What gives us solace
Is that your end was swift
Hopefully you didn't feel much pain
As your life made the lift...

...Upward and onward to another place
From where I know you watch
All that's going on with us
As you live forever with us

How long does it take
For the pain to numb down
It will never go, I know
As you're gone forever.
I know.

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